Don't Cry for Conan! Cry for Me!

I'm the biggest complainer around. If you ask me how I'm doing, I'll tell you about everything from the pile of dog poop I stepped in to the size of my pores. And I won't spare you the details of scrubbing off the excrement, either.

My regular readers know this.

I'll explain my latest botched haircut until you get uncomfortable and excuse yourself. I'm apt to choke on something bizarre just so I have something to tell you about later. And on a really good day, I'm prone to show up on your doorstep in stained pajamas and spinach in my teeth wailing about what I just paid for ground chuck. I am sooooo not a "just fine! And yourself?" type of person. However, the biggest complaint a mega-complainer can have is.... another complainer! Conan O'Brien keeps upping the ante and I just can't compete with the magnitude of his yammering.

I've listened to him grumble this past week on The Tonight Show with a growing desire to reach into my TV and give him some good old fashioned nipple twisting. Don't get me wrong, I understand what hosting The Tonight Show meant to him. I know he's seen lucrative offers from other networks pass him by while he's waited for his contract to come due. I truly appreciate how awful it must have been to move his family from New York to California. He's got the right to spew as much venom at NBC and Jay Leno as he wants.

He's Conan O'Brien, late night personality and comedian, and he can do that.

Thank goodness he's Conan O'Brien and not G.I. Joe. Because G.I. Joe offers himself up in contract to the United States and moves his family from base to base in the name of justice and freedom - and doesn't have a national platform to whine about it.

Thank goodness he's Conan O'Brien and not Average B. Student. Because Average B. Student walks away from college with his dream degree and $60,000 in student loans. Conan gets to walk away from his dream job with $85,000,000 and three years to contemplate his toe jam.

Thank goodness he's Conan O'Brien and not Everyday Mom. Everyday Mom does her job with no applause and no paycheck. Everyday Mom performs for her family with no support crew, no greenroom full of goodies and no stylists. Conan may be performing for an audience Monday through Friday, but Everyday Mom is unscripted and on stage for eager learners 24/7.

There's an old song by Harry Chapin called The Laugh Man. It perfectly epitomizes the life of a struggling comic. In fact, it was shopped by Bill Cosby back in the 70's as the theme song for a television series about up-and-coming comedians. It goes, in part:

I started out by starvin', desperate for money.
My belly crackin' dirty jokes that didn't come out funny.
My neck stuck out so far like a gawky giraffe.
Screamin' on the guillotine, "Come on sucker, laugh!"

Thank goodness he's Conan O'Brien - scrappy laugh man who will land on his feet, cash in hand, and deals waiting in the wings. He's no longer bouncing from club to club, drinking flat beer, broke and hoping for a break. His career may suffer a blow, but he'll continue his shtick, and he'll keep the suckers chuckling.

So, Conan, if you're listening, quit complaining! You're hogging my spotlight, and like you, I don't give it up easily. You're not the only person with a dream, but you are one of the minority who've attained it. The pinnacle of success isn't necessarily achieving your dream and riding it into retirement (are you listening, Leno? Am I listening??). Success can be just as meaningful by having earned the right to say, "I did that. I was there. I was a part of it. Now what's next?"



(c) 2010, Kelsey Robbins